You vs. The Other’s You

As we reach End of the Year Review time, it is important to reflect back on the previous year, not only in terms of performance, but also behavior. The metrics will fall as they do, and there are certain actions that can be taken to improve them, but what about your behavior? Is it possible to change how you act or who you are at the core? Changing how you act is possible (see my second post The Power of Saying Hello In The Workplace), but is it possible to change who you are? Some studies state that who you are as a person is settled before you reach your teenage years, much like one’s height. But I disagree with this point. I believe that we have the ability to change who we are, and it is through a series of self-reflection that we can do so. So how do you go about this? There are many tools/techniques that you can use, and I will touch on a few of them: 

Johari Window

This tool was created in 1955 to help bridge the gap between how you view yourself and how others view you. By choosing 5-6 characteristics about yourself, you begin to piece together the side of yourself that you acknowledge; this step is then completed by others to build together what they know. The results are categorized into four quadrants (see picture below).

Johari Window Quadrants

Are you the same person in front of people as you are behind closed doors? Should you be?

Ideally, in a self-realized world, most of the categories would be in the Known Self area, with very little in the Hidden Self and Blind Self category. Some traits could fall into the Unknown Self area, simply because they do not apply, or also because they are traits that you do not yet possess. The Unknown Self is an area for potential. However, in most cases, there are traits that fall into the Hidden and Blind Self area that should be examined. There may be some traits that you possess that do not need to be shared publicly (Hidden Self), but there should be very few things that others would know about you that you do not know yourself (Blind Self). This can lead to being viewed as having a facade, which is typically considered a negative characteristic to have.

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)

Another great tool to use is a conflict assessment tool, like the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI). These can typically be purchased individually, or you will find that many organizations purchase them as well for all team mates to take.

TKI Graphic

After completing a survey, the TKI will give you a report out of your go-to approach to conflict (see the chart below). The tool asks some of the same questions over and over again, just phrased differently, so it doesn’t allow you to choose the “right” answers. Although many would argue that being collaborative is the best approach, this may not be appropriate in every situation. But knowing how you react during moments of conflict will allow you to recognize how you would normally act and then assess whether this is the correct approach to take. Feel like you are always accommodating everyone else? This tool not only provides you insight into how you deal with conflict, it also gives you tips on how to improve or switch tactics.

There are no “right” answers

I took it myself a few years back and highly recommend it. The organization CPP has developed many tools similar to this one, so check out their website to see if others may assist as well.

360-degree Review

I mentioned this in another post, but this is another way to gather feedback about your performance at multiple levels.

Want to open the door to your boss’s office for feedback? Want to know what your co-workers really think?

The takeaway from this, as a pitfall to avoid, is that this review should be for gaining feedback only, not as a way to grade someone’s performance for merit increases or promotion. It should involve not only taking the assessment, but also a follow-up meeting, or a series of meetings, to discuss what was learned and next steps. 

Deep Thoughts Before Your Review

Review time can be a very difficult time of year. Hopefully your manager/supervisor has been providing timely feedback, positive or negative, throughout the year, resulting in very few surprises; however, this is not always the case. 

Listen to the feedback and see what you can do to improve. Don't agree with your manager? Then set about to prove them wrong. Upset about what you heard? Listen to the feedback, internalize it, and then forget about it. Don't allow it to overwhelm you, but instead use it to grow. 

To Be or Not To Be: How to Emulate Famous Literary Characters to Succeed

 

Many of us were forced to read classic literature while in high school, and even I can admit that it was rather slow and boring at times. However, now as I think back to those books, I realize that there are many tips that we can learn from our notorious literary friends, mainly through emulating (or not emulating) their main traits. So stay tuned for a travel through literary fiction to our modern day work place:
  

Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett - Pride and Prejudice 

Oh, Jane Austin, you clever girl. Most people find P&P to be too romantic, but Miss Austin was able to write a story that would enchant her audience, while also including important social commentary. THIS is what makes her characters so unique: they have flaws that translate across social strata and time periods, making her story applicable to everyone and timeless. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett represent two people that develop opinions of one another that cause them to make poor choices. This is a frequent occurrence in the workplace, unfortunately: you hear that Tim in Marketing is a difficult person, and suddenly when you meet him, you feel on edge and do not speak your mind. Or worse, like Elizabeth, you accuse him of things that may or may not be factual in an effort to preempt his actions. You are now in conflict, and poor Tim may be left in the dark as to your feelings. Or worse, he feels defensive and attacked. Much like our Mr. Darcy, you are now left to prove yourself to Tim and make amends. By doing this, Mr. Darcy is able to show Elizabeth that he is better than she thinks.

Lessons Learned: First impressions or opinions from others can sometimes lead you astray. If this happens to you, work to make amends with your team mates. 

Jane Eyre - Jane Eyre
Another one of my favorites, this time from Charlotte Bronte. The character of Jane is sent to an orphanage and treated poorly, which causes her to question her lot in life. She is able to gain a governess position, but she still yearns for something more. Many of us can relate to this. We go to school, we find a job, and suddenly we begin to want more. This could be more money, more free time, more of a work-life balance. Jane was able to focus this feeling and create a tight relationship with Mr. Rochester. I'm not advocating that everyone form an intimate relationship with their employer. Not a good idea. Never a good idea. But instead, focus on gaining a mentor and working with them to advance your career or life goals. Doing so will give you the tools you need to succeed.

Lessons Learned: Decide what you want from life and go get it. Find a friend to help guide you, and you will be able to achieve your goals. 

Sydney Carton - A Tale of Two Cities
In this story by Charles Dickens, Sydney represents a very lecherous lifestyle: he drinks, he is generally out for his own good, and he is viewed as someone to look down upon. However, despite this, he too yearns for something more like our friend Jane. He helps his friend Darnay escape possible execution by tricking him, and Sydney is in turn executed. It's a beautiful redemption story, showing the arc that a character can take over time. And all of us have the opportunity to do this everyday. Obviously, I'm not suggesting that you die for someone else; however, sometimes it is best to make sacrifices for another person's benefit. As a manager, you will have an associate who will make a big mistake--this will happen to everyone--and when it does, you have a decision to make: do you allow the associate to come forward and receive full responsibility, or do you take the blow for them? If the associate does not often make mistakes and had good intentions, I will often take the blow for them. This allows me to protect the associate, while also giving them an important life lesson about how to deal with mistakes. Trust me: I allow them to feel the weight of their mistake (if a large one), but I do it between the associate and I privately, where they can learn their lesson in a safe environment.

Lessons Learned: Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the betterment of your team. Do so professionally, but provide open and honest feedback. 

There are many more characters that could be referenced, so if I receive positive feedback, I will definitely make another post. Or maybe a post about how to handle tough co-workers, while using literary/movie characters as examples. That sounds like fun!